a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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