I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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