god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize