Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize