awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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