Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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