I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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