Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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