Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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