Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize