dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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