i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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