guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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