Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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