may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize