I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize