Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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