I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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