Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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