Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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