My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize