I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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