The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So vagazzling was a success
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