Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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