My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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