Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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