ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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