Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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