Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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