Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
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i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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