be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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