No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
