Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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