"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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