I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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