u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize