my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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