I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So vagazzling was a success
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize