I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There are leaves in my underwear?
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