Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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