You can't motorboat a personality
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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