Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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