I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize