I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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