I want to stick my p in your. b.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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