At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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