I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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