I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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