you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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