And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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