You don't have asthma, your pregnant
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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